A few days from now I will no longer be getting a paycheck. I will be trying to sell a house to move and plant a church. I do not “have all my ducks in a row.” Our insurance runs out at the end of the month. I have very little idea of where the money will come from for us to plant a church. I will have no office to hold all my beautiful books. No line item for books, conferences, etc. And most likely I will not be able to keep my MacBook Pro.
And I have never felt so free and clear.
All I have is a call. And for some reason this feels right. Right, in a way I have never experienced. This is not to denigrate anything I have done before or anyone else’s lifestyle or choices. And it does not feel ‘right’ so much in the moral sense. It just feels like I am in ‘sync.’
And I am not all that sure this has a lot to do with planting a church or indeed, being in ministry. The circumstances are not what are giving me this sense of liberty. The liberty comes from knowing there is a God who is watching over us and I must lean on him. You see, I am becoming ever more convinced we have so much to prop us up in comfort and ease for today and all the days hereafter, we can have no real reliance on the moment by moment presence of God until many of these comforts are removed.
Think about this for a moment. Even believers in America upgrade their possessions when they are replacing them. Their hope and joy is always in moving up to flat-screens, a newer model of car made available by insurance or a larger house made possible by the equity of their present home. Of course, newer and better stuff is not wrong in and of itself. The problem lies in the back corners of dark and dusty hearts. These are the corners never swept because we are too busy talking about the lists and how good we are doing in keeping them.
The problem is we have hearts that have never had to treasure Jesus for anything other than guilt, tragedy or hell. Well, yeah. What American would not want to see Jesus as such a treasure? But where are the men and women who are willing to make choices that put them in the position of leaning on the providential hand of the God who surrounds them with love?
I do not have all this figured out. But I am becoming more and more convinced that my faith for so many years ignored the fact that the God who did not spare his own Son, will gladly take care of our needs. This should free me, from the anxiety and cares of this world that keep me from kicking in the door of American Dream and taking risks for the glory of God and the good of people.